There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
