who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
