I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
