Having a random hookup so left but love u
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize