Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No I am not eating basil off your cock
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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