if i can run in heels then i can drive
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
