roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
