I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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