i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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