im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
