New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
not ubering you a puppy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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