I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
