this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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