You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
