you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
