terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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