Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
