To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
