Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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