I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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