he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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