She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
