why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
