Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
