i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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