I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
