Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
