Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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