we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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