So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
