just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
