don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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