Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
