I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
