I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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