Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
