Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
