I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize