he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
