we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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