I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize