Don't make out with my wife yet
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
...so i touched it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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