apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
