Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Congratulations! We have a period
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
