time to smoke my breakfast
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
