dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
