I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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