Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
