Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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