He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Everyone says I win the strip club
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
