btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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