On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
