I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
