Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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