3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
