My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
