I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he puts the penis in happiness.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
