You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
