pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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