what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
