I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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