She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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