He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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