i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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