the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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