So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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