I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
