You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
