I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
