It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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