I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
