This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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