I need help removing her.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
