I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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